Friday, October 06, 2006


He walked past the first window, and then I saw him pass the second. I knew that next, I would hear his knock on my door. There was no need to ask why he had come; I knew, though I had only seen him once before in his present host. “Judas” had arrived, the cast was complete, and the Grand Drama was about to begin anew. “I,” “Judas,” and “the Evil Witch,” clothed in our new names and new hosts.

Two weeks earlier, July 14, 1976, The National Interfaith Pro-Life Crusade was launched to make a conscience appeal to our lawmakers to stop the killing of the unborn. The purpose of the campaign was to join together all those who shared the conviction that the taking of the life of an innocent baby in the womb is contrary to the fundamental principles of morality.

Synchronistically enough, that was Bastille Day; and later, I would recall that Jesus, in his time, announced that he had come to “declare liberty to the captives.”

Caiaphas,” i.e., Archbishop Joseph L. Bernardine, President that year of the National Conference of Catholic Bishops, “the Sanhedrin,” suggested that the appeal be made this way: “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them; for to such belong the kingdom of heaven.”

I was chosen to be Herald because, if we failed in our efforts, I would be least able to defend myself: High School dropout, "Drummed" out of the US Army after one year in the stockade, Undesirable Discharge, fired and disgraced from my job, divorced, phony attempted suicide, and numerous other Black Marks, that all added up to making me the natural “Fall Guy” if and when the shit hit the fan.

Two months into the Crusade, "Judas" and I had joined together through the leaders of their respective parishes, temples, and synagogues, congregations, and mosques, six million Catholics, Jews, Protestants, and Muslims. We published “The VOICE of THEOPHILUS” containing the first published photo of an aborted fetus, a list representing three million of all those who affixed their names to the declaration that: “We THREE MILLION CHAMPIONS FOR LIFE, fully and actively support the American Bishops’ declaration that ‘the opinion of the Court is wrong, and is entirely contrary to the fundamental principles of morality.'”

I learned a lot about "Judas" during the course of our work. We became close friends. He was the most intelligent person I had ever met. He was the inventor of every phase of the electronic money/credit card system currently used everywhere in our almost cashless society today. Funny how things are: his host's last name was, coincidentally, the same as my nickname.

Like all men of the flesh, he had a weakness; his mother was an alcoholic. Perhaps that was the reason why he was romantically drawn to older women who drank and tried to reform them. Sadly, alcoholism was his problem, too; though he never let me see that side of him.

September 20, 1976, I walked into my home and found “the Evil Witch” gone! – she had abducted my 27-month-old son.

This was my second loss of a family and children. I asked God why this was happening: "I'm almost 40 years old and it's been one heartbreaking betrayal after another. If I had a daughter, I'd want her to be married to a guy like me; if I had a friend, I'd want that friend to be like me; I'd want a father like me; I'd want a brother like me; I’d want a son like me."

This was the moment of learning to love myself. I opened the Bible, for the first time in my life, and it fell open to Deuteronomy 8 and read:

"And you shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. Thus you are to know in your heart that the Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him.”

In a revelation, I learned the Truth of who I was. Fully awakened, I repented on my knees before God for my disobedience with these words from the Two Great Commandments:

"Take my heart so my courage will not fail me and cause a brother to stumble and lose hope by my example. Take my soul until Thy Will be done. Take my mind so my thoughts are Thy thoughts. Most of all, dear Father, take the Free Will which Thou hast given me by which I have created unfavorable circumstances and became first their obedient servant and then their victim." (At this exact moment, I was overcome by God’s Infinite Love for me) "How much more joyful it is to love than to be loved. Be not far from me my God. I wish to tell Thee each moment of my love for Thee."

As time passed, I learned that it was the Evil Witch who was the actual betrayer of the Crusade, not Judas! Her politically ambitious Mob family informed the Jimmy Carter White House of the magnitude and intent of the Crusade. As a reward for this treachery, her cousin was named White House Counsel to VP Walter Mondale, later backed by that party to become a New Jersey Congressman, then a United States Senator, from which his natural character flaws, forced him to resign in disgrace, and it’s not over yet.

"THE NATIONAL CATHOLIC REPORTER," a newspaper condemned by the Catholic Church in 1964, fueled the fire to sabotage the Crusade. Thousands of copies of “The VOICE of THEOPHILUS” were confiscated and burned. I was dragged 3,000 miles across the country to appear before a Grand Jury composed of government agents.

After returning to Tarzana, California, to await the Grand Jury decision, I resumed the work of the Crusade, selling “The VOICE of THEOPHILUS” door-to-door, outside supermarkets, anywhere and everywhere.

May 1977, I stood up in the center of my living room. There was a Divine, Purely Feminine Spiritual Presence about me, surrounding me, permeating me as though I were in a cloud of Pure and Perfect Love. Lovingly enfolded within her vulval wings, the entering of my Self (Ayn) into her Being (Ayn Soph) was a sexual ecstasy of most divine infinite loving bliss - the “Ayn Soph Aur." I was the willing sacrifice so that I could be born again in her. This surrender of Self to the Absolute, Cosmic Conception, was Life’s Great Love Story and it was happening to me.” The “I,” the Life that was within me is no longer here. The “I” that you see is the empty shell, the husk, the mortal man.

Soon after, May 23rd, 1977, I read in the newspaper that I was indicted. I sold everything I owned for a plane ticket to Philadelphia to stand trial. Before leaving, I called the Duty Officer at the National Security Agency. I wasn't going to take the chance that they would come for me and claim I was resisting arrest, then kill me. I had no doubt that I would have to be as wily as the serpent and as innocent as the dove.

The Court Psychiatrist made it very clear that if I continued my stance, they were going to do a lobotomy on me.

While awaiting trial, I took an Oath of Obedience and sent it to Pope Paul VI by registered mail. Soon after, he announced that a Secret Cardinal had been named. 

September 20, 1977, one year to the day the Evil Witch left, Anna came into my life. We recognized each other immediately. She was that Loving Presence, my Magdalene, the Shekinah, made Flesh. "I found my Love, my Perfect Love, who had rejected all the others; it was me She chose to be One with Her from out the Sea of Brothers." She was my confidence because I knew that as long as I felt her love for me, then I could be certain that God loved me too because all love comes from God. She was my strength; she was my Rock; she was my courage for the role I was destined to play. It was only she who could truly see me in my spirit.

I was given a Trial, straight out of a Franz Kafka novel, unable to have an attorney of my choice, nor given a chance to confront my secret accusers, watching those visiting demons from around the world make their signs and secret signals in the Courtroom to one another and to the Judge.

Oddly enough, outside the Federal Courthouse, apparently unrelated to my situation, demonstrators were gathered with gags over their mouths, carrying signs that read, "Liberty to the captives!"

“Judas” appeared as a witness for the prosecution, as I expected. He didn’t want to do it; I knew that, but he was so weak and unable to stand up to the fear they had instilled in him.

The judge instructed the jury to find me guilty. I was sentenced to 65 years, thrown into a cage at the Philadelphia Detention Center, inhabited by murderers, rapists, thieves, and sexual deviates of every description, walking around masturbating with rolls of toilet paper in their hands. No one laid a hand on me, nor was I threatened in any way by the prisoners.

I was soon transferred to Danbury Federal Prison. There was one who pretended to be a prisoner but was actually an undercover agent. He tried everything in his power to get me to commit some kind of violence against him so that they could justify my being incarcerated. When he taunted me once with,"You've been swallowed by a Bear!", meaning I was trapped with no way out, I let him know that the "Bear had swallowed poison meat!" I saw through his cover, and he knew I saw through it.

The Prison Priest was actually an undercover guard or agent. He kept asking me why I never went to confession. I reminded him that he was not carrying the Keys to the Kingdom on his belt; they were the Keys to the Prison.

The Black Muslims, who actually run the prisons, were the hosts of the Angels who watched over me day and night. Imams, Sufis, Rosicrucians, and Cabbalists instructed me in secret teachings. I was not in Prison; I was in School. I had access to the most esoteric texts and, in the space of three months of uninterrupted study, I was ready to do the job for which it was intended I do.

I was appointed Associate Editor of the prison magazine, “THE OUTLOOK” and wrote cryptic articles that were mailed by the thousands to members of the National Interfaith Pro-life Crusade.

At the beginning of April 1978, I began a fast-until-death unless released. After three months in Hell, I was released April 18, 1978, onto the streets of Philadelphia, still in prison uniform. Wonder if they were hoping someone would shoot me.



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